Destin Cantrell Whips It, Whips It Good.

Destin Cantrell here, with a whip so big your mum could use it as a butt plug, still wouldn't touch the sides. No jokes though, this whip is huge. I love the way how he just lets it flow before he pulls the bike back like your dog sniffing a friends crotch, and just rounds it off to come in sweet as a nut. Not bad for a guy who has two strippers first names as his name. Devo fan are we?

Mav's Breakdown Of The MX2 From St. Jean D'Angely

1. Jeffrey Herlings (NED, KTM) - His move on Tonus actually made me sick in my mouth, probably the same reaction Tonus had when his sister told him she was dating the Dutch douchelord. He should have been docked and i'm not just talking points.

2. Tommy Searle (GBR, Kawasaki) - Edged out on the Start in the first race, balls out in the second. the guy is a fucking work horse.


3. Jeremy van Horebeek (BEL, KTM) - Herlings and Van Der Beek are BFF's. The guy might as well held up a pit board saying "go get Searle!" as he waved the #84 through in the second moto.


4. Joel Roelants (BEL, Kawasaki) - With van der Beek grabbing the 3rd place someone had to be 4th. Who better?


5. Jordi Tixier (FRA, KTM) - First of the French on home soil to get shit done. Loving it more than he did Brazil that's for sure.


6. Valentin Teillet (FRA, Kawasaki) - Love this guy. Looks fresh, rides like a pro, gets blown by pretty much any chick at the races. I've said it before and I'll say it again.....Solidemec.


7. Jake Nicholls (GBR, KTM) - 10-8 for 7th overall. Expect a top 5 soon! Don't let me down Jakey.


8. Max Anstie (GBR, Honda) - Remember when Max's was pretty much a top 5 guy each weekend? Yeah that was last year, get with the now!


9. Petar Petrov (BUL, Suzuki) - Banging result for the Bulgarian. First top 10 of his career, first time taking a girl home from the race too I'm guessing. 


10. Romain Febvre (FRA, KTM) - Who?

Bro Gets Owned By The Snow

What a prick! That is all.

The Lowdown From A Practice Track (Milton Park)

To start let me get one thing off my chest. Milton Park is a practice track, nothing more! You can try and get people amped by saying it's one of Britains 'premier' circuits, but in reality Hawkstone, Lyng and Desertmartin would beat the Northamptonshire track into a coma! The riders knew it, the spectators knew it, hell the organisers probably knew it. But the track is owned by the ACU so I think we'll be making an annual trip there for years to come.

With that said I rolled up to Milton Park on Sunday morning and found my self parked behind the Karro army who were all ready in full swing beering down in the car park. I then strolled into the pit area and headed to the Maxxis hospitality unit (they know what's up) where I spent most of the day getting a killer view of the track while the Maxxis girls eye fucked the shit out of me. The race format took a slight twist with the two classes running two motos each and then a combined MX1 and MX2 race at the end where the top 20 from each class did battle, 1995 style. Here's what I saw from my vantage point:

MX2

• Mr EBB was on fucking fire! Cleaned up in both MX2 motos and then finished 6th in the mixed race (is that PC?) Dude took home the red plate to go with the one his team mate has....oh wait....
• Pocock had a nightmare day (8th overall). Guy got docked (haha) a minute in qualifying for stopping on the track, and a crash in the second race meant he lost the red plate. Still got his red hair though, no one's challenging him for that.
• Bradshaw was doing his usual. Doin' work!
• Aubin gets 3rd overall despite a DNF in the last race? Considering he went of the side of one of the step downs in the last race, he'll take it.......like your mum (sorry couldn't help it). 
• Cottrell was a solid(ude) top ten guy, I told you it was coming.
• Ray Rowson is back! 7th overall for the former schoolboy champ.
• A Scotsman, a Frenchman and an Irishman sounds like a bad joke. Mackenzie, Lenoir and Irwin take 4th, 5th, and 6th overall.
• One of the TMC honda rider's was running purple rims to try and make his bike not look like the Sarah Jessica Parker of motocross bikes. Epic fail bro! #Fugly

1	44	Elliott Banks Browne (KTM)
2	272	Neville Bradshaw (Honda)
3	131	Nicolas Aubin (Honda)
4	121	Bryan MacKenzie (KTM)
5	685	Steven Lenoir (Yamaha)
6	5	Graeme Irwin (Yamaha)
7	111	Ray Rowson (Kawasaki)
8	119	Mel Pocock (Yamaha)
9	711	James Cottrell (Honda)
10	9	Stuart Edmonds (Suzuki)

MX1

• Karro pretty much pulled out his junk and slapped every other rider around the face with it. Dude was fastest in qualifying, goes 1-1-1, and earned the red plate. The Latvians were loving life and supplied the car park with some euro beat for celebration. Alloy shirts all round.
• Josh Coppins made a return to British motocross and picked up 3rd overall. Sweet as Brew!
• Simpson was doing it for the Brits by being solid(ude) as a motherfucker!
• Mark DeReuver didn't have the best day, he even joined the 'side panels can go fuck themselves' club that seems to be so popular this year.
• Strij-like-a-bos hates hard pack and Karro.
• This was one of the tracks that Whatley really impressed me at last year. Not even a semi this time around.
• More of the East Coast crew were in full effect with Aston Bird and Luke Benstead both going balls out for point scoring rides. That's how we roll in the ass end of England.

1	91	Matiss Karro (Kawasaki)
2	24	Shaun Simpson (Yamaha)
3	9	Joshua Coppins (Yamaha)
4	8	Stephen Sword (Suzuki)
5	227	Kristian Whatley (Honda)
6	37	Gert Krestinov (Honda)
7	25	Jamie Law (KTM)
8	22	Kevin Strijbos (KTM)
9	31	Alex Snow (Kawasaki)
10	50	Martin Barr (Kawasaki)

Lots Of Moto Jazz For You All.

The blog has been a bit thin recently I know, but hey, that's what happens when you're a man in demand like me, all I can ask is that your patient and ask your mums to stop calling me. So what I'm going to lay down here is one big ass blog post on shit that has gone down in the moto world and what could very well be the shit we is talking about next week. As MC Hammer once said "School's in suckas!" 

Mexico GP - What the fuck was this?! Everything about this race made it look like a joke and not even a funny one. It was pretty much a racial slurr on the motocross world. Dead bodies found near the track, Peoples gear, passports and money stolen, crap TV coverage, plus the whole "it's too dusty we're not going to ride the qualifying races as you pay us jack shit" thang that went down on Saturday. Good work Youthstream you cunt's! (C-bomb time check: 10:38am).

Philly was loving Mexico more than me, and most others.

Michael Lieb was one of only two riders that went out for the qualifying race, a move that disgusted the other riders so much so that a Lieb recieved constant flip offs from Clement Desalle and was even spat on by at least two other riders, including, (so i'm told) Max Anstie. C'mon guys, spitting should only be done by girls in 'jizz flicks' onto some guys wood or each others mouths (yeah you like that bitch?). Just sayin, get it together jackholes. All in all, Fuck Mexico!

Read my Breakdowns of the top 10's here: MX1   MX2

Qualifying gets underway in Guadalajara

Brazil - The track and general facility looked the absoulute tits! I was getting fed up of the tweets and comments from people about how 'Youthstream had fucked up by going to South America', now don't get me wrong, as you've just read, Mexico should have be aborted with a rusty coat hanger but for me the Brazil set up was amazing, it was just let down by the weather which as we all know can bitch slap the most organised of motocross races. Plus you know there was just loads of chicks getting their 'brazillians' out for any rider. As I said before "Chicks dig moto" Ticket's booked for next year.

Searle =Boss of Brazil

Too much?

Read my Breakdowns of the top 10's here: MX1   MX2

Switching stateside:
Hangtown happened and Stewie goes 1-1. (I guess GoPro aren't paying him as much for outdoors) So, lets just recap some comments people have batting around like swingball (remember that? what a game!) about his performance up until Hang town.

• "He's not race fit" - The Guy went 1-1 in two 30 minute motos! At the pace he was running, thats some fucking stamina right there. Guess again.
• "It's not the Yamaha it's him" - Yamaha 0 Suzuki 1-1
• "His hearts not in it" - He could have just sat out and collected a JGR pay check so fat it doesn't take it's shirt off to go swimming, but chose to forgo all that and ride for Suzuki for not much dollar. Riding for not much money? ......insert mum joke here......
• "RV, Reed and Dungey have just stepped it up" - Sure RV and Reed aren't out there so its hard to get a reading on how it COULD have gone, but then did Dungey REALLY pressure him all day? I think James had him handled, even think he could have turned it up to 11 if needed. Maybe we should ask Jason THOMAS, he got a CLOSE look. Sorry I got a bit crazy with the capitals there.

Dude was looking fresh in some new Answer gear. Look like a boss, ride like a boss! 

While Kawasaki was tearing it up in Brazil, they weren't having the best time in Sacremento. Rattray, who was riding Villopotos ride, went out after just a few laps after receiving a rock to the hand. Man up bro! You're in the 450's now, not that pussy ass lites shit. Broken hands are a standard. Dean Wilson's title defence was, just like me, finished before it even got started. Due to premature dislocation Deano will be forced to have surgery and sit out the rest of the outdoor season. Mofo will be back swinging for supercross though. Baggett did pull a bit of pride back for Kawi running 1-1 in the lites, with one of his "I'm just going to sit here in the top 10 for the first half of the race and then I'm just going to go faster than a bastard to take the lead on the last lap" rides in the first moto. Guy's a fuckin' player! Mitch will be feeding him Viagra to make him keep it up longer this year.

Oh and one more piece of breaking news! Zach Osborne will be riding for Geico Honda in 2013. Fuck yeah bro, fucking deserved. As long as he stays healthy in the off season, Zachy poo will win which ever coast he rides on. I just put that predictions teeth on the curb and stamped it!! American History X style (Racism not included).

That's about it for now, still not sure if I'll make it to Milton Park this Sunday for Round 4 of the Maxxis. If I do the tweets will be coming thick and fast. If not I'll be watching videos on the internet, cumming thick and fast. Gross!

Mav's Breakdown Of The MX1 At Beto Carrero (Brazil)

1. Christophe Pourcel (FRA, Kawasaki) - I've have been known to give the #377 some stick before but the guy was un-fucking-touchable in the first moto. Didn't even look like he was riding in the mud. Le Boss.


2. David Philippaerts (ITA, Yamaha) - Philly seems to have the fire back after his moto win in Mexico last week, just hope it's not the same 'fire' I got off that hooker/donkey in Mexico. He also started the bum bag/fanny pack craze that swept the weekend. Trend setter yo.

3. Kevin Strijbos (BEL, KTM) - First podium for Strij-like-a-bos since 2007! Fuck man that's an age ago. Bum bag's were still in fashion back then....oh wait. 

4. Gautier Paulin (FRA, Kawasaki) - Points make prizes/laid, he knows this.

5. Rui Goncalves (POR, Honda) - Standard.

6. Xavier Boog (FRA, Kawasaki) - What the fuck happened in the 2nd Moto? The Boog happened, that's what! Keeping the sweep alive for Kawi.

7. Clement Desalle (BEL, Suzuki) - I really feel Desalle should have won at least a race this year. I'm pretty sure he feels like that too. Get it done bro!

8. Antonio Cairoli (ITA, KTM) - Bad day champ, bad day.

9. Evgeny Bobryshev (RUS, Honda) - Russian Bob, getting 9ths and 10ths for communism. 

10. Shaun Simpson (GBR, Yamaha) -  Making sure the brits have a top 10 guy. We could maybe do with a top 5 one if you fancy it Shaun.

Mav's Breakdown Of The MX2 From Beto Carrero (Brazil)

Sorry this was the best pic that came up.

1. Tommy Searle (GBR, Kawasaki) - Killed it in the mud, even with a fuckin' pit stop to change gloves! Guy is a fuckin' leg-end. To quote myself, "Tommy just parked the fudge on Herlings salad. Egotistical? Probably. Awesome? Definitely!  


2. Christophe Charlier (FRA, Yamaha) - Love's the mud apparently. Sketchy at times, boss at others.   


3. Jose Butron (ESP, KTM) - Butron was pumped as fuck to get up on the podium and why not? How often can you go 8-2 for 3rd overall. Once I'm guessing. 


4. Jeremy van Horebeek (BEL, KTM) - Seemed to be on the ground more than anyone but still put it up there for 4th. Now what did I say at the first 3 rounds? See here.

5. Joel Roelants (BEL, Kawasaki) - Two words to describe Roelants ride, damage control.

6. Max Anstie (GBR, Honda) - Said in a start line report that he's from England so he's used to the rain. Not as used to it as Searle apparently. 

7. Jeffrey Herlings (NED, KTM) - You may have beaten Tommy more times this year but you haven't lapped him like he did you. Gutted son.

8. Jake Nicholls (GBR, KTM) - Mud, Dry, Slightly Damp like your mum looking at my facebook pics, Jake is Solid(ude) in all conditions. Recognise.

9. Alessandro Lupino (ITA, Husqvarna) - I feel that I should stop with the sowing machine remarks if Lupino keeps putting it up in the top 10. 

10. Harri Kullas (FIN, Suzuki) - Ahahaha you got beat by a sowing machine.