Let's Get Pumped for Lyng!

This weekend the Maxxis British Motocross Championship comes to possibly one of my favourite tracks (both to watch and ride) Cadders Hill, Lyng. Now I'm a pretty big deal around this track (you fuckin' know it), I've been going there since I was 6 weeks old and I have strong ties with some of the organisers (namely Dennis Slaughter M.B.E. Boss!), so I've seen a LOT of shit go down at the Cadders. Thorpe, Noyce, Hudson, Mayes, Malin, Nicholl, Dobb, Nunn(Stewart and Carl), Banks, Banks-Browne, Bobryshrev, Nicholls, Townley, Cooper, Herring, Pichon, Everts (Oh yes, thats ten time folks) The Simpson's, Sword, Anderson, Church, Rattray, Mackenzie, Brown, Dement, The Whatley's, Osbourne, Tonus, The Parkers, (just to name a few) have all carved their way up and down these hills. I'm going to be posting 5 of the best Moments at Lyng over the next 5 days in build up to what is one of the best stops on the Maxxis tour. Now I know most of you will be thinking that the day that me and my bro holeshot every race in our respective classes will probably be up there somewhere but I took that as a given, everyone saw how we got shit done that day. Be sure to check out tomorrows post #5 which features two Brits dominating foreign invaders like it was 1945. Lets get pumped. Boom!

Mav's Breakdown Of The MX1 Top 10 At Fermo

1. Christophe Pourcel - Race one win, 2nd in the 2nd. My arse was like a rabbits nose in the first race with the battle between him and Paulin. Just when you thought Gautier has it wrapped up like Christmas, CP377 tears it back open like the 1 time world and 2 time SX lites champ he is.

2. Antonio Cairoli - Not a bad result considering he hasn't raced at the Fermo GP for the last two years. Bad one if you consider Pourcel has beaten him for the second consecutive week. 2006 anyone?

3. Clement Desalle - Back on the podium, feeling the flow, working it, working it.

4. Gautier Paulin - Dude is on it this year, really thought he had the first moto in hand before he drifted wide in that corner. He won't let that happen again you can bet on that.

5. Ken de Dycker - I still can't watch him without laughing.

6. Evgeny Bobryshev - Good hustle but I can't help but feel the first Honda rider should be higher up the order than this. Lay off the vodka Bob.

7. Kevin Strijbos - Strijbos is beginning to make me regret ever calling him Stri-like-a-bos. Step it up guy.

8. David Philippaerts - Didn't he win the world championship one year?

9. Xavier Boog - In the second moto, if the other riders were chicks, the guy would have got laid by the law of averages. Makin moves all over the place.  

10. Tanel Leok - While his look this year is similar to Carmichael's, the similarity ends with his results.

Mav's Breakdown Of The MX2 Top 10 At Fermo

1. Jeffrey Herlings - KTM need to get this guy a PR advisor soon, his post race interview's are becoming comedy gold, he's such a douche. This week he 'just cruised' to win the first one (little bit disrespectful to the rest of the riders) and apparently he had 5 spokes gone in the front wheel and no front brake when he won the second moto. Wow, the guy is going to get torn a new one at the British GP if he keeps this up. 

2. Michael Leib - Absolutely amazing ride from the american and he was chuffed as fuck with it. Makes me wonder how much faster Lupino would be if he got off that sowing machine and onto a real bike.

3. Jeremy van Horebeek - I'm getting a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of 4ths from Van Der Beek this year.  (copy and pasted from my 'Breakdown Of The Top 10 At Sevlievo') I'm still sticking by this, he just got a 3rd this weekend to try and make me look bad. Not gonna happen Jeremy, not gonna happen.

4. Jordi Tixier - Slow and steady wins....you 4th?!

5. Jose Butron - If only he finished the races where he starts them.

6. Christophe Charlier - Along with Leib, hustled like a player all day to make sure Monster Energy Yamaha is represented.

7. Dylan Ferrandis -  Holeshot the first moto and held on for 5th. Getting it done.

8. Max Anstie - Quiet one from the Goat Farmer this week, Merv will not be happy.

9. Tommy Searle - Crashes twice in the first moto and gets taken out at the start of the second by Herlings. Stellar fuckin' ride to come from 30th on the first lap to 2nd. Judging by tweets the #100 put out after the 2nd moto, Herlings is going to have to be watching over his shoulder from now on, Tommy's ready to play!

10. Alessandro Lupino - The Husky looked like a 125 going up Hawkstone Hill (underpowered), don't you wish you were Leib?

A Look Ahead With A Look Back - Salt Lake City

SLC is going down tonight so in true Sandbox style, here's what happened at Salt Lake last year:

• Snow and rain early in the day seem to have no affect on the track. Looks cold as fuck tho.
• Stewart holeshots and seems to have it all under control before, surprise, surprise he pulls his two signature moves within 100ft of each other. Tip over then front flip, smooth dude.
• Reed, Brayton and Villopoto chase Stewart out the gate. RV soon takes care of the other two to move into 2nd.
• Dungey is awful over the dragons back in the early stages, seriously watch him!
• RV has been testing outdoors in the week break before SLC and it shows as he's railing the corners. Absoultely hossing!
• Stewart goes a lap down but then starts pulling out a quad just to put some pressure on Reed. Damn those lappers.
• The rest of the field pretty much don't get a look in, if only those top guys were injured hey? Oh wait...

This race was pretty much a summary of last years Supercross season, Stewart leading and then crashing, RV hauling ass and picking up the win and Reed being better than Dungey. After last week I'm pretty pumped to see what's goin' to happen. With RV out the playing field has been levelled, you would expect Dungey to pick off the win but I pegged him in for 2nd last week and look what happens. If the Dunge isn't on his game tonight, it will be like Rice Eccles Stadium will look like Michael Vick's house as Shorty, Brayton, Weimer and Metty go at it. Last weeks Solidude shout out, Roczen (loves Sandbox) has opted not to ride this week, translate; Ryan Dungey has asked uncle Roger to tell him not to because he'd probably walk off with the win and make the #5 the #2 rider in the KTM pit. We all know it's true. 

Brooks And Mcgrath Announce Chaparral As New Title Sponsor. Well...Duh!

So Larry Brooks tweeted this a short time ago:

This is the first place that we will announce this and see how fast it gets out there. L&Mc Racing/Larry B

 

Chaparral has become the new title sponsor of the L&Mc racing team and with Brooks and Mcgrath having ties to the company (three supercross titles from 98-00, MC riding, LB managing) they probably should have just went there in the first place instead of messing around with those Supercross.com douche bags. At the risk of falling into a small bonus edition of Graphic Detail, the bike looks pretty slick. I like the plain shrouds with the just Chap and Honda logos, it works harder than a Polish builder. Shorty must be pumped. Although, how much do you think Chaparral wish they'd announced it before Seattle. Unlucky guys, lets just hope Dungey isn't back on top form hey.

Teillet's Crash In Bulgaria Was Gnarly

Just after I give him a Solidude shout out, the young Frenchman lets it go to his head and pulls this shit. He clearly goes for the seat bounce and gets launched skyward.  It's pretty scary but all reports is that he is ok. WTF? Is this kid Wolverine?! How the fuck do you take a hit like that and only come off with bruises? By being fuckin' solid(ude) I guess. I think it's Van Horbeek who goes off the jump just behind him and sees VT's KXF flying towards him and like a hero, just pins it and looks turns his head hoping he doesn't receive the old 'bike to face' move. Respect for that bro! Hopefully Teillet be riding at Fermo this weekend, I would imagine he'll be a bit shaken up and not quite on the pace, but then he's the kind of kid who'll just come out swinging and take some fuckin' names. Comme un Patron!

Graphic Detail #8 - Alessio 'Chicco' Chiodi's 2001 Skittles Yamaha

This bike is one that every now and then someone will ask about. "Dude, do you remember the Skittles Yamaha's back in the 90's?" Of course but it was 2001 dipshit, I'm a fuckin' connoisseur of sweets and fizzy drinks (candy and soda for my American readers) so when they dip their toe in the proverbial puddle that is motocross sponsorship you know, I'm going to be all over that shit. The Pepsi Hondas? Dope as shit. This bike has its ups and downs for me, the front half is frickin' jazzy but it has a rear end that would make Susan Boyle's ass look attractive. It's also has the black weekend warrior thang goin' on which is always going to play goalie to its high scoring good points. The Rad shrouds couldn't have been done much better for this design, colourful with one big logo and fading to black before it hits the seat. Spot on. 

Now lets get to the back half. Around the turn of the millennium, transponder technology raised its hand like a small primary school kid in class who needs the toilet and was brought into GP motocross. Teams and sponsors then leapt on this opportunity to do away with numbers on the side panels of the bikes which took up 'valuable' advertising space, idiots. I hated this idea and I'm glad 12 years on we've got back to the way it should be, it would be nice for the paying spectators to be able to tell who the guys are out on the track. The designers of this bike did not do the failed idea any favours either, the red pieces on the seat and behind the Skittles logo just break up the flow of the bike something chronic and that replay logo is just lame as hell as well. Epic fail.

 I can imagine Chiodi was pretty stoked when he first saw this bike but then spent the rest of the season trying to convince people/chicks that it wasn't a gay pride bike. "No, no, I'm not gay I just really really like rainbows." Sure thing Chicco.

#70 Ken Roczen - Solidude

Now I know this post could win the award for stating the bleedin' obvious but I'm going to run with it. We all know that Roczen is pretty much the man, fast as balls, nice enough guy, and could be the only other German next to Henning Wehn that has a sense of humour. K-Roc seems to have struggled in the East Coast championship this year though, so with Barcia already crowned the champ and a couple of weeks break as the series heads back to the west, the #70 was applied to a tree fiddy and Kenny decided to mix it up with the big boys. What a fuckin' ride! The dude show's how fast the underrated (in the US certainly) 350 is by getting second out of the gate and then proceeds to stick it in on shorty for a while (sounds gay huh?) before settling into the runner up spot which is where he would eventually finish. Did you see the boss like triple the guy was doing off the face of that dragon back as well, that shit was off the hook. Balls and skills yo and he was the only guy doing it in the main (I believe Millsaps busted it out a few times earlier in the evening). My question is where does he go from here? I see him doing much the same this week, the win is definitely not out of reach (Dunge would be pissed) and if he doesn't put it up top this week, I see the 250 staying firmly in the semi for Vegas as Kenny tears shit up in The Supercross class. He won there last year on the small bikes and he's not stupid, chicks dig bigger. Player!

Villopoto Is Out!

So the universe finally took a shit on Villopoto's salad, I suppose it had to come soon, little prick was getting way too cocky. The press release was put out yesterday saying that he is out for the rest of the year. Now this could be a blessing in disguise for the last two rounds of the supercross (sorry Ryan) as shit just got a lot more interesting fo sho. Last week I said the Dunge was going two get second to RV, how wrong I was (It happens, not often but it happens). With RV gone and Dungey still a little wobbly, it gives other guys a chance to get up there and stick it in for some wins, just ask Shorty. At least I'm kind of pumped to watch this weekend as it's not as predictable as one of those fuckin' dance movies. Step Up? I didn't see a standard double or a set of whoops in those films, let alone a step up. Fuckin' false advertising, but I digress, Outdoors is just a few weeks away and Dungey has the chance to grab another outdoor title as long as the he and his bike can stay healthy, even the man above can't make a KTM reliable. One things for sure, Short, Brayton, Weimer, Metty, those guys will all be rubbing their hands together more than Mr fuckin' Myagi. Time to shine boys, time to shine.

Seattle: Like Rocky, But On Motocross Bikes.

Just when you thought all excitement in the supercross series was done and done, Seattle happened:

Lites

• Wilson holeshots but quickly gets bitch slapped by Sipes and Tomac and falls back to third.
• Ryan Sipes just lets everything happen behind him and puts in a solid(ude) 15 laps to take home the win. Pumped much?
• Wilson and Tomac go at it in a battle that reminds everyone which is the most exciting coast, trading blows that look straight out of a Rocky montage. Hearts On Fire fo sho!
• Tomac puts Wilson down in a corner. Dean dislocates his shoulder but still holds on for 7th. Now that's grit for you.
• Musquin begins to show the Honda's what is up as he passes Hahn, Seely and Tomac, amidst a ride from 11th to 2nd. How to celebrate? Heelclicker over the finish. Like a (former motoconcepts) boss!
• Although Seely looks fuckin' Fresh as a summers day (No Homo) in the blue gear with yellow gloves combo, He doesn't quite make the podium but still has a chance to get involved for the title if Deano and Tomac start a slamming war at the last two rounds.
• Eli is pissed on the podium. This ain't over.

1. Sipes   2. Musquin   3.Tomac   4. Seely  5. Hahn 

450's

• Andrew Short puts the Honda where it should be by grabbing the holeshot and running up front.
• Roczen show's the returning Dungey how fast the tree fiddy is with a second place start and by taking it to Short early on.
• RV goes down in a crash that is even more underwhelming than his one hear last year, but fuck's his knee and is out for the night.
• Dungey, Weimer, and Brayton get into a three way. It's not gay when it's in a three way.
• Roczen and Short trade places a few times in what is the PG version of Wilson and Tomac's exploites.
• The Dunge goes down after Brayton makes him his bitch.
• Reed coins the phrase, "killing it like couch potatoes". You said it boss.
• Shorty wins! Boom. Does any one deserve it more than the clear brow warrior? Not many! Goodude (not sure if that works as well as Solidude) and a fast as a bastard.

1. Short   2. Roczen   3.Weimer   4.Brayton   5. Millsaps

Mav's Breakdown Of The MX1 At Selievo

1. Gautier Paulin (FRA, Kawasaki) - Paulin was doin' work all day to get up front, really think he's going to be a threat all year. That helmet is butt ugly though dude.

2. Christophe Pourcel (FRA, Kawasaki) - The #377 must have read my little pep talk from the last GP, came out firing to win the 1st moto. The Mayor of Sevlievo went to give hime the 3rd place trophy on the podium, he's obviously a Cairoli fan.

3. Antonio Cairoli (ITA, KTM) - Struggled a bit around the Bulgarian Track, but kept hold off that red plate yo.

4. Ken De Dycker (BEL, KTM) - Still looks like a gorilla in motocross gear, still solid(ude) as a bastard!

5. Evgeny Bobryshev (RUS, Honda) - Russian Bob had a much better weekend than his trip to Valkenswaard, guess he didn't want to be shown up by Tonkov. Back to Drago's gym this week for the pair of them.

6. Xavier Boog (FRA, Kawasaki) - What is it with the French and Kawi's this year? Getting Shit done.

7. David Phillppaerts (ITA, Yamaha) - Pretty quiet ride from the former world champ, but then that's pretty much how its been since he became the #2 Italian. Truth.

8. Clement Desalle (BEL, Suzuki) - 3rd in the first, over the bars big style in the 2nd. Then spends the rest of the race trying to straighten his front end like a disappointed dad does to his gay son.

9. Shaun Simpson (GBR, Yamaha) - Good old Shaun sticking it up there for Britain.

10. Sebastian Pourcel (FRA, Kawasaki) - The European Jeff Alessi was a lot better than at the last round. Although could have been better if it wasn't for Barragan torpedoing him in moto 1. As if the French didn't hate the Spaniards enough.

Mav's Breakdown Of The MX2 Top 10 At Sevlievo

Photo from motocrossmx1.com

1. Tommy Searle (GBR, Kawasaki) - If you were wise enough to read my 'Serlings Vs Hearle' post last week you will know that I was right on the money. Tommy handled Herlings around the Bulgarian circuit and probably would have won the first moto as well if he hadn't lost his front brake. Killing it!

2. Jeffery Herlings (NED, KTM) - Again he came across prickish in the interviews. Sure you let Tommy win the second one, you weren't trying at all, even when you over shot that corner. We believe you, douche.

3. Joel Roelants (BEL, Kawasaki) - Moto 1 win and a banging session (not the good type) with Anstie in Moto 2, which he won, all on the way to another podium showing that the kid wants a shot at this title. Killer fist pump brah!

4. Jeremy Van Horebeek (Bel, KTM) - I'm getting a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of 4ths from Van Der Beek this year.  (copy and pasted from my 'Breakdown Of The Top 10 At Valkenswaard') #youwerethuslyinformed

5. Max Anstie (GBR, Honda) - Larocco Starts (Bad ones, in case you forgot) lead to Max fighting through the pack and almost literally with Roelants. Makin' moves.

6. Harri Kullas (FIN, Suzuki) - Finland and Suzuki in the Top 10. both have got to be pumped. Like a girl whose just taken the first shot from Peter North, there's more to come i feel.

7. Dylan Ferrandis (FRA, Kawasaki) - Again, like last week, Ferrandis was barely mentioned in the broadcast even though he's throwing up top ten finishes. He's slowly taking over from Justin Brayton in becoming the new 'Camo' rider.

8. Alexander Tonkov (RUS, Honda) - Mini Bob had some good battles in both races. The Russian invasion continues.

9. Jake Nicholls (GBR, KTM) - Jakey has starts nailed this year, always in the top 3 it seems. I threw up the East Coast signs when he finished 6th in the first moto and tipped a drink/tears to the kerb when he went down in the second.

10. Alessandro Lupino (ITA, Husqvarna) - Not bad considering he's riding a sowing machine.

Guy Gets Cleaned Out At Glen Helen, Like A Bitch.

Update 24/04/2012
The user has removed this video, what a prick. Anyway trust me it was funny as fuck. 

This guy eats some serious fuckin shit! Now we've all been there, when the douche comes across you forcing you to high side, what a prick. This guy just gets its all shades of wrong though, his first mistake was to look round at the guy, that's the Robert Mugabe of rookie moves and one that deserves to be exploited by a rabid KXF pilot. As he falls he does some synchronised flips with his bike before the attempting a figure skating style big finish where he catches the bike and holds it aloft for all to see. The only problem being? Your shoulder is not in it's socket you fuckin' clown! When he rolls over, that arm is as limp as my wang whilst looking at pictures of Sarah Jessica Parker. Plus all the girls just saw some dude make him his bitch, you ain't getting no action son, but hey with an arm as dead as Michael Jackson, you can always join the 'Dead Hand Gang'.

A Look Ahead With A Look Back - Seattle 2011

Part 1

Part 2

I know, I know I thought the Supercross was finished as well, but apparently they are hitting up Seattle tonight. So as always here's my look at last years grunge town race:

• The track looks like the pair of corduroy trousers your mum used to make you wear when you were a kid. Rutty as fuck.
• Tedesco holeshots but is soon put in his place by Reed and Stewart as they head to the front.
• RV and Dungey get caught up in a first turn scuffle with several other riders and one track worker. He is not scared.
• Dungey falls through the whoops/ruts.
• Alessi gets passed by Dunge for the second time and tries a new line on the concrete to get him back. Doesn't work.
• JT$ looks nervous as Stewart comes round to lap him. Houston flashbacks.
• Reed cross ruts and goes over the bars, the bike then delivers a Hulk Hogan style leg/wheel drop to his stomach. Gets up, finishes third. Solidude.
• RV goes down trying to pass Reed on the last lap. The crash is underwhelming.
• Stewart wins, Windham gets second for his first podium of the year. Sorry James, that's what people care about more. Kdub is the fuckin' man. 

This race was pretty dull until the last few laps then shit starts going off. Dungey and RV both go down, albeit in tame fashion, Reed shows them how to do it by going Stewart style over the bars, Villopoto then catches him and tries to punt him out the way. I kind of feel this could be reminiscent of tonight's race. It could be a total snoozefest but then Ryan Dungey is back tonight! Could he challenge RV? Probably not, it could add some excitement to have the #5 back out there but then its more likely just going to make who gets 2nd place a little more predictable. The thing I'm most pumped for tonight is that Ken Roczen will be pulling out the 350 to do battle with those guys. He had some good results on it last year so anything's possible. Do it Ken, get yourself down to the original Starbucks, order 10 shots of espresso, top it up with a red bull and let the caffeine do the talking. Seattle style.

Dungey makes his return to supercross and the 2nd step of the podium tonight.

Wilson Pulls Out Scrubs, Whips and Freestyle. Pro!

Deano just laid down the challenge to Eli for this weekend right here, worried much Tomac? I would be, the guy is just absolutely killing it in this video, even busting out some freestyle just because he can. He'd give Mad Mike Jones a run for his money with those moves, and some of the scrubs and whips you could put in your coffee, they're that creamy. Plus a little bit of leg swag thrown in for the birds, like he don't get enough. Check the bit at 1:10 where he pretty much takes off the camera guys head. Good going Dean, show those geriatric fucks at the ACU where to shove their MXDN team selection.

Here's to you, ACU!

Old School Crash and Subliminal Douche

This video made me laugh and weirded me out a little, the crash is fuckin' hilarious. The guy basically gets butt fucked by his bike twice before kissing the ground in a  JS7 front flip fashion. The scrub caught on, why not that as well? The guy filming on what I can only imagine in those days was a camera that was the size of a small camp site, almost drops it due to losing his shit when the guy gets molested by the seat of the bike. What I found weird was during the slow mo replay there's a subliminal pic of a guy wearing a brown velvet jacket and red turtle neck (so in at the moment) drinking wine by the fire. Just a bit odd really. I had an uncle that looked just like this, he used to take pictures of me in my swimming trunks. He's in prison now.

Serlings Vs Hearle In Sevlievo, It's All Gone Quiet.

A couple of weeks ago before the Dutch GP, everyone on motocross websites and forums was asking the "Can Searle beat Herlings in Valkenswaard?" Question. Hell I even put up a post about it (read it here) just to address the question and say 'No. No he can't". Surprise Surprise I was right, and before you all go worshipping me (you should already) and offering me virgins for a sacrifice, I'd like to point out that it wasn't great insight, I was just stating the bleeding obvious. Herlings is the fuckin' man in sand, I don't think anyone could beat him around that track and he's pretty much proved that these past three years.

So fast forward to now and no ones asking the same question about Bulgaria even though the answer is just as obvious. Yes. There I said it. Fuck yeah Tommy can beat Jeffery around Selievo and I'm going to say he will this weekend (don't let me down). Searle has won here in the past, and I'm pretty sure now we have some slightly harder pack to the terrafirma that the boy can get shit done. He gave Tyla Rattray a fisting amongst the Bulgarian hills in 2008, a year where the South African was clearly the better man and ended up with the world title to prove it. Going back to last year, Herlings was fast but didn't quite have the conditioning that the #100 did and Searle would reel him in and often make the pass late in the motos. I see these two trading moto and overall wins all year, but I'm pretty sure the boy from Britain can bring it home like a fuckin' Solidude. No pressure though Tom.

We're counting on you blud.

New Orleans: Barcia Wraps It Up In The Big Easy (Your Mum)

Here's the low down from New Orleans, on a track that probably had the best sand section for comedy crashes all year. Read on:

Lites

• The Ewok warrior, Alex martin, holeshots and the holds on for a steady 19th. Wait...what?
• Durham grabs an early lead, pulls out, jumps over corners, gets gang banged by some tuff blocks and still wins it. Double D is on. Has to get the auto cue on the podium to remember the sponsors.
• RC, Ralph and Emig discuss how great Mookie is doing before he cartwheels through the whoops. Commentators curse anyone?
• Bogle is makin' moves. Standard.
• The goon is back! Wharton gets lapped.
• Roczen goes back to the German way. 350 next week Ken? Boom!
• Barcia just cruses to an easy 4th and a second East Coast Championship just because he can. Laid!

1.Durham  2.Baggett  3.Bogle  4.Barcia  5.Roczen

450's

• Villopoto, heat win, holeshots main, wins main. Yawn. (I could have copy and pasted this from most of the other race recaps but I typed it cos that's how things get done around here!)
• Tedesco and Short are back! Hot Sauce gets bummed in the LCQ and has to miss the main, while Shorty puts the Red bike back in the top 5.
• Brayton gets into it with Metcalfe and Short and then Metcalfe again. Not scared.
• Alessi throws away a podium by trying to block pass a back lapper. Oh dear, oh dear. What's Tony goin to say?
• Weimer goes out of the race, probably due to the shame of having to wear that fugly neck brace of his.
• Josh Grant gets 2nd! Dude looks old on the podium, like a GNCC rider.

1.Villopoto  2.Grant  3.Brayton  4.Metcalfe  5.Short

Done and done.

Townley Injured! (Shocker)

Hey guys we can confirm Ben was injured in a practice crash yesterday at the Australian MX Nationals he is having a CT scan today we will update you later on his expected recovery

What the fuck?! This statement was taken from the TwoTwo Motorsports facebook page. So the boy Townley is injured, AGAIN, after crashing in practice at the 2nd round of the Australian Nationals in Coonabarabran (I did not make that up, seriously) The buzz on twitter and a few other sites indicate a possible dislocated hip, not cool. Everytime I get excited about BT making a comeback he goes and does this to me. I feel like he's the husband that always cheats but I still come crawling back for more, like we can just go back to the days when he was taking me nice places, making love to me tenderly and matching Villopoto for speed in the lites class. (That metaphor got a little out of hand.) Seriously though Ben if you get injured 8-9 times more it's over between us. I'll find someone new like....like....Trey Canard. Oh wait, fail. Lets just hope the 101 can get healed up for Hangtown. 

A Look Ahead With A Look Back - New Orleans 2009

Supercross returns to 'Norlans' tonight after a couple of years break from heading down to the 'big easy', which is what I call your mum coincidently. Snap! So with there being no race in the Superdome last year I figured I'd go back to the last time the crew rolled into Saints country which was 2009. The video is in 3 parts so I didn't post it but watch it here. Here's what went down:

• Alessi holeshots, Standard. Loses the lead straight away, Standard. Gets taken out later in the race, not nearly standard enough.
• The sand section is unimpressive. Its just a berm you idiots!
• Windham is rockin the New Orleans Saints style gear and helmet. Shit looks fresh and Kdub just lays it down and gets 4th.
• Stewart vs Reed, we've seen it so much but this was probably the peak time of it (see Jacksonville '09) This is when Stewart was fast.
• This was when Villopoto was not......well not AS fast.
• Hepler gets a 3rd like a Solidude.
• Tedesco pretty much kills Kiniry in the sand section. Wheel to head, gnarly.
• WTF Millsaps? Who was your trainer back then? The 2012 Ricky Carmichael? That better be body armour tubby.
• Stewart wins and keeps his 100% win when not crashing streak alive. What a streak to have. I'm good when i'm......good. Bravo. 

I have to say I'm not that excited about tonight's race. I mean RV is just going to go out there and destroy the field like a toilet bowl after a Tabasco laden burrito with extra jalapeños the night before (totally worth it). As always it would have been good to see Windham out there rockin' some more Saints gear, that shit was epic. I remember this year Villopoto and Reed turned up in San Diego with special edition Chargers Thor gear. I was so irate as I already had plans to slap the Chargers bolts onto my white Shoei and rock that shit like I was Phillip Rivers. I know Torsten and crew probably got the idea from me because that's what usually happens, I'm always setting the trends. Take note bitches, next year its V neck race shirts like the guys from Jersey Shore, lets see you pull those out Whor Racing. Dicks!

That's right Kdub, you is the shiznit!

Graphic Detail #7 - Luke Norris' 2012 MNE Kawasaki

That's right boys and girls, Graphic Detail is back like a case of herpes only with a much more pleasing outcome. Whilst strolling through the pits at Maxxis at Canada Heights, I spotted this bad boy, the #73 machine of Luke Norris which I think you'll agree is pretty fuckin' slick, if you don't you might as well sign up for an eye transplant because something is wrong with your peepers yo. The guys at Merge Decals have done a cracking job with it. The cyan, green and black combo is frickin' sweet as, and then to finish off with the Chrome (bringing it back) MNE logo is just down right Boss! The design is so simple but it just looks more Pro than a Nike CEO. Plus it's made by the old pro circuit technique of green at the front, black at the back which is always a winner in my eyes, he even has the pipe to match. The Merge website logo is spot on in it's self, simple text with minor tweeks and one simple out line to make it pop, then the large logo at the front of the side panels just looks the tits, it might look a lot better if Luke hadn't worn it off with his boot, but then I guess shit like that's going to happen when your shredding on the bike the way the kid does. Boy is pinned! Anyway be sure to check this bike out at Lyng in a few weeks, it's a lot better looking than some of the ropey Maxxis girls. Still would though.

Jean Carlos Ramos Is Back?

Jean Carlos Ramos, the man with possibly the best name in motocross returns to our screens with this short video of him getting his ride on in his native Brazil. Could this be in prep for a return to the west coast lites series in a few weeks, or could this be stunt work for a new action film roll that Matthes and Weege have him pinned for. Seriously though, how many bitches must this guy get? Just saying that name in a Spanish accent must make girls glisten for him, I somehow don't think Evgeny Bobryshev has the same effect. Gutted Bob.

JCR in action at Anaheim 2

#37 Valentin Teillet - Solidemec (That's Solidude In French You Uncultured Swine!)

I really think there is a trend happening right now of riders injuring themselves whilst contorting their bodies to throw down scrubs that could run for government. Valentin Teillet is the latest casualty, as he is riding with some kind of shoulder support that looks like it's been taken from the set of Gladiator. Didn't stop the little French fry from tearing it up in the Valkenswaard sand tho (not shoulder friendly) and grabbing two top 10 finishes and 9th overall like a supervisor (might have upgraded that to boss if he'd got top 5). We is definitely going to see more of Valentin over the coming months as he heals up. Then it will be all business from the #37 and the podiums and vagina will come to him like only a true Solidude knows. Boom.

A shoulder breaker? Or just a wide on giver?

Breakdown Of The MX2 Top 10 At Valkenswaard

1. Jeffrey Herlings (NED, KTM) - Dude was untouchable in the sand. Came across a bit prickish in the interviews, but then hey, when you're fastest lap time is almost 3 seconds quicker than the second place guy I guess you can be. Getting it done.

2. Joel Roelants (BEL, Kawasaki) - Came from behind to over take Tommy for second place in the second moto and overall. Dude will soon learn his place as the #2 rider on the team. Sit the fuck down!

3. Tommy Searle (GBR, Kawasaki) - Leg end! Just chilled the fuck out and let Herlings think he's the new Roczen (he's not). Just wait till we hit the harder pack tracks over the coming months.

4. Jeremy van Horebeek (BEL, KTM) - I getting a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of 4ths from Van der beek this year. 

5. Jordi Tixier (FRA, KTM) - With Paulin up to MX1 Tixier seems to be France's #1 deux fiddy guy. Plus he has Stefan Everts for guidance, a casual 5th is a good way to start the season. 

6. Jake Nicholls (GBR, KTM) - My boy Nicholls didn't let me down. Holeshots the first moto and finishes 5th, follows that up with a 9th in the second moto and all after a pretty harsh crash earlier in the weekend. Solid(ude) and don't you forget it!

7. Max Anstie (GBR, Honda) - Max had an up and down weekend, second moto was a lot better than the first. He was one of the few guys in MX2 still doing the triple late in the 2nd moto. He's not fuckin' sacred.

8. Dylan Ferrandis (FRA, Kawasaki) - Not really mentioned in the TV broadcast but another fast French teenager. Great, just what we need.

9. Valentin Teillet (FRA, Kawasaki) - Riding with a strapped up shoulder and still makes the top 10. Baller!

10. Mel Pocock (GBR, Yamaha) -  Mel wasn't even supposed to ride the GP's this year and stepped in to replace the injured pair of Osborne and Tonus and what a fuckin' ride. Just look at that picture! Bosses it up in the first with a 8th and then a 12th in the second to make 40% of the top 10 overall (oh year I can do math), all from the land of the Union Jack. Yeyah! Cos that's how we roll......now lets have a cuppa, bitches.

Pro Circuit's Novice Programme In Full Effect In Valkenswaard

A 3 digit douche if I ever saw one.

Now I consider myself a pretty knowledgeable guy when it comes to motocross, but I found my self completely confused when watching the Valkenswaard GP this weekend. We've all seen the Pro Circuit boys running up front in the US, and Tommy and Roelants put the PC sponsored MX2 bikes up on the podium in Holland, and it goes without saying that Pro Circuit have a history of winning (Mitch is the fuckin' man!) So imagine my surprise when I tune in for the MX1 class and the two guys on the Pro Circuit backed kawis are just plain old novice types. Go back and watch the race if you don't believe me. One was a complete 3DD and pulls out of the first race just because he's bored. He then goes out in the second moto, holeshots before fading like a pair of pants that have been washed too much and gets a 9th. Then the other, who has some how bought the #11 off of Youthstream, can only manage an 18th in the second moto getting lapped in the process. I think I heard someone say they're brothers? Duracel? Pourtaloo? Something Foux da fafa. What the hell happened PC? Spunk all your money on the lites class? Good job you kept Searle hey? Might be able to get you a world title unlike this MX1 clown show. You'd have been better off with that French guy who threw away several titles in AMA nationals, his name escapes me now.

Ronnie Mac Lays It Down!

Ronnie Mac is back yo! I'm beginning to think that the Big Mac is Blake Wharton's trainer. I mean they both can lay down the lap times, whilst pulling some proper goon style, it's uncanny. This video is fucking amazing! It has Buttwhips, Leg swag, and panic revs up the fucking wazoo. I thought i was going to lose my shit when he hits the first Jump and comes in nose heavy like a dog to crotch. The guys like a one man supercross lites LCQ, keep 'em coming Ronnie, we'll keep watching.

2013 Honda's In Godzilla Country

2013 - only 2 years away from hover boards and flying cars if you believe those Michael J. Fox movies. Looks like it could be a year where Honda goes 'back to the future' as the twin pipes on the CRF make a return, this time on the four fiddy. Also, possibly a hydraulic clutch as standard. What is this austria?! But hey if Honda are doing it, I'm down. I bleed red, and I'm pretty much sure every one else does too. However I wouldn't mind betting the KTM riders inject yellow dye into the their blood, those guys have an absolute boner for the colour orange.

What bikes did you say you ride again?

Serlings and Hearle At Valkenswaard

More Motocross Videos So with Valkenswaard just a day away, everyone is on the 'can Searle beat Herlings?' talk. So like the Oracle from the matrix except a lot less frail and a lot more boss like I'm here to clear that shit up. No. There done! I'm sorry but I would love to see Tommy Gun (bringing it back) holding the Red plate in one hand and the breast of a youthstream  podium girl in the other on monday night, but I'm being realistic. Herlings in sand is like Usain Bolt in the para-olympics, ain't no one stopping that shit. I definitely feel Tommy had the edge over Herlings towards the end of last year when he would get passed by the 'Dutch Oven' (will that catch on?) and then reel him back in and pass him late in the race, but my guess is that Herlings has been running more times this winter than the combined Ethiopian Olympic squad, the boy will have stamina. Plus last year at Valkenswaard he crashed in one race and still caught Roczen and won by 30 seconds. Herlings will win this weekend, no doubt. But hey Tommy feel free to prove me wrong, I dare you.

#272 Neville Bradshaw - Solidude

That's right boy's and girls, Neville Bradshaw was fuckin' solid(ude) this weekend at Canada Heights. The guy who has become a kind of adopted Englishman just because he knows that we're pretty much the shit and he want's in (we all know it), finishes 2nd on the podium behind EBB with a 3-4-2 score card. Which is fine in it's self but the dude comes from 13th to 3rd in the first race, 8th to 4th in the second and may of been able to make a challenge for the lead in the final moto had it gone the distance, as the crazy little bastard was pulling the fastest laps of the race just like he did in the first one. It's true, look it up if you think I don't know my shit, but I have to tell you, I'm the balls yo! Anyway, Calm it down Nev, next thing you know he'll be wanting a win. In that case the inbred (just kidding EBB) and the red head better watch out, the #272 could be on proper form in weeks to come, and we'll have to listen to that 'District 9' accent from the top step of the podium. It'll be a laugh tho.

Monster Energy Yamaha Tears Shit Up

This video is sick and slick, bravo to the Monster Energy Yamaha Team on this one. I'd perhaps say lay off the tough guy acts, you're not Mike Alessi, and that's a good thing. However all these guys can shred it in their respective classes, except when they're injured of course (Arnaud, Zach i'm looking at you). You will definitely see one of these guys on the podium this weekend at Valkenswaard, stamped! These bikes look pretty fresh as well, even though they're black (weekend warrior style), I love the blue section through the shrouds and seat more than Kenny Watson loves Carmichael (BFFs). The riding in this video is top notch, everyone is just balls out with their best whips and scrubs. I pretty much lost my shit when the Tonus section came on, the guy is so fuckin' boss like. Hopefully he will heal up soon and be out there tearing up shit. In the 50 seconds of footage that he features in, his front wheel touches the ground about 3 times, it's fuckin' insane. Have a watch and if you don't get a boner your're definitely homoto!

Houston: RV Wins The Title, Shocker!

Shit was going down at Houston, here's what I took from it:

Lites

• Geico dominates the heats, with Barcia and Bogle wins, whilst Hussey tries to dry hump a tuff block and Wharton pulls some breakdance moves.
• Barcia holeshots the main, Roczen gives it to Barcia a couple of times. Butch and Bitch.
• Bogle, Mookie, and Durham discuss lines in the first corner.
• Baggett tyre taps his way past Wharton. Nothing says Pro like this pass. 
• Emig pulls out the "If Barcia can hold on......some meaningless stat" What could go wrong hey Jeff?
• Lance Vincent forgets he's a lap down tries to make a pass on Barcia for the lead and they both go down on the last lap.
• Roczen wins. No ghost riding this week.
• Barcia is pissed, roosts Roczen, yells at Vincent then has a cry on the podium. Fair enough, no girl is going to be touching you tonight.  

1.Roczen  2.Barcia  3.Baggett  4.Wharton  5.Nicoletti

KTM payout?

450's

• The heat race battle between Windham and Stewart is a jizz fest right up till the point where Windham cartwheels. It then turns into a cry wank.
• Millsaps holeshots the main, RV blows by him to take the lead. The crowd start leaving as it's just a formality now.
• Stewart has a standard Stewart race. Fast laps, take out moves (how's that dirt taste Regal?) then a front flip. 
• Stewarts bike continues taking names even after he dismounts as it gets all up in Goerke's face.
• Race gets boring.
• RV gets the board "2012 SX CHAMP" we all knew it. (should have gave him the plate before the race in Daytona like I said.)
• Dungey is still second in points! WTF?! step it up guys.
• Weimer is made to wear an RV#1 hat on the podium. Yo his bitch Jake!

1.Villopoto  2.Millsaps  3.Weimer  4.M. Alessi  5.Brayton

So RV wraps it up quicker than a date with the local bike. Roll on the outdoors.

The Lowdown From Canada Heights.

Picture from mxvice.com

Round two of the Maxxis British Championship headed to the Canada Heights circuit in kent this weekend and there were rumblings in the pits that Mav was there. Well it was true folks, I turned up tweeted my ass of about the races and now I'm here to bring you a wrap up of the days events. Fuck I'm good to you. So here it is bitches:

MX2 

• Tonus tries a scrub so ridonkulous that he dislocates his shoulder (at least thats what I imagined happened) and sits out the rest of the day.
• There is some 3DD (digit douche, for those who don't remember) killing it with a 2nd place in moto 1. I learn that this guy is a bad ass Frenchie called Steven Lenoir. Guy is fuckin' solid(ude).
• Bradshaw makes more moves than a chess champion and ends up 2nd Overall
• EBB shows everyone what it's like out here in the East. Pro! 2nd moto - Holeshot. Crash. Win. Why not?
• Aubin wins the 1st moto but needs better starts. You're on a Honda dude, get it done!
• Pocock is suddenly the #1 rider of the Monster Energy Yam team, dude fuckin' rode like it too. 3rd overall and the red hair, I mean plate.
• The 3rd moto get's red flagged like it's an MXY2 race. Those little guys sure get excited.
• Luke Norris has a good looking bike. I smell a graphic detail coming up.

Race 1 - 1. Aubin  2. Lenior  3. Bradshaw

Race 2 - 1. Banks-Browne  2. Pocock  3. Aubin

Race 3 - 1. Banks-Browne  2.Bradshaw.  3. Pocock

Overall - 1. Banks-Browne  2. Bradshaw  3. Pocock   

MX1

• Strij-like-a-bos (stamp it) is unimpressive in the first race. I tell him to step it up, he does, 2nds from there on out.
• DeReuver, who looks fresh as fuck in the green JT gear, shows Sword the meaning of Stamina as he reels him in in the 1st moto and passes him for the win.
• Simpson is the Bradshaw of the big bikes, always hustling and takes the 3rd moto win just because he can.
• Matiss Karro Dominates the 2nd moto and is solid(ude) in the others and takes home the overall. His Latvian fans lose their shit!
• Jason Dougan KO's himself in the final moto and is stretchered off. He'll be back for Lyng all boss like. 
• Whatley seems to struggle on the day. What would Jem do Kristian? 
• Sword ends up 2nd overall. Still got it. It never went away.

Race 1 - 1. DeReuver  2. Sword  3. Simpson

Race 2 - 1. Karro  2. Strijbos  3. Sword

Race 3 - 1. Simpson  2. Strijbos  3. Karro

Overall - 1. Karro  2.Sword  3.Simpson

See you at Lyng, i'll be the guy your girlfriends looking at. Just sayin.